So, I am in IL these days. And many feelings and thoughts provoked me start this personal blog. The weather, the quiet, the ease, the comfort, the feeling of being safe, the calmness, and the uneasiness I feel.
The weather here today, these days, is wonderful. Pleasant, sunny. A nice gently breeze blows as I lay in the hammock in the backyard. A backyard that has no real fences. Anyone can walk on to the backyard if they wanted to. But it still feels safe. And it is this feeling of safety that made me think. I am feeling this feeling today. But most people that live in middle America feel this feeling everyday. What must it be like to feel that way- all the time? I grew up in Delhi and have mostly lived in big cities where you are always trying to protect your things, your loved ones and yourself from others.
This feeling of safety also made me think of how utterly shocked, surprised and angry people in middle America must have been when 9-11 happened. Everyone around the world was shocked, but particularly here I think. Where you don't really have to lock your doors. Where you don't have to build a fence around your front and back yard. Where your yard blends into your neighbor's yard. It does feel a little unreal for me. Protected from the harshness of the big city. Here. It feels strange.
In a big city you are always in survival mode. You always have to be alert. But here you can let your guard down. A big city prepares you to be ready for anything at any time. But here the pace is slower. There is no rush to do things. It does feel like utopia. I now understand what people mean when they say the American Dream. The suburbs. Perhaps that is why there are many people in middle America or suburbs who never leave and live outside of where they grew up. It is so comforting to be here. It has a momentum, an inertia that keeps you here.
I won't be here for long, but certainly can feel that if I did stay....I might get sucked into the ease. The big grocery stores where you can find everything and it is 5 times cheaper than NYC. Why can't we make life as easy in big cities?
Larry and I are at a point of transition in our lives. And for the first time I feel that I am not in the driver's seat. I am not used to that. :)
I feel present though. I feel like I am alert to how I am feeling. I am feeling ....silence. The quiet before the storm. What that storm is....who knows.
LA will be interesting. Weather will be nice all the time. I wonder if I will feel guilty for enjoying it because I am so used to NY where you work your ass off even if the weather is nice. You might not even get to enjoy it. So, I am used to the tough-love.
All this to say.....a new chapter has started as we live like gypsies this summer. New stories to tell you all.
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